8. Your Best Friend’s Shitty Ex Who Is Really Bad for Her
Surprise surprise—they are never going to go away. I know they’re unpredictably mood-swingy and teetering, if not cartwheeling the fuck over, the line of being an alcoholic, and that they made your best friend cry on a regular basis and that they once bashed the door of her car in by kicking it during a fight, but here they are again, cute curly hair and zip-up hoodie, sitting smiling on her couch and drinking PBR and greeting you like they’re not a psychotic motherfucker.
Plan of Action: Be cordial and keep your distance. You are not friends with this person, and you don’t have to be, but you don’t have to start something, either. Go find your best friend—does she even know her shitty ex is here?
If she doesn’t and freaks out, help her figure out how to get them out of her apartment. If she does know, give her your most scathing look of reproach, the one that burns like an untreated bladder infection, and remind her She Is Someone Who Is Worthy Of, and Deserves, Love, Respect, and Happiness. Then threaten to make a scene.